A sense of self-confidence is not something I was born with. I had a wonderful and supportive family growing up, and that certainly played a huge role in developing my sense of self as a child. However, as an adult, I really had to come into my own to feel secure in my own skin.
Feeling confident was a conscious decision and something that I learned to work at every day. We all want to feel proud of ourselves and secure in who we are, but I really believe that it takes work, and for me, faith, to get there. The turning point for me building a healthy sense of self came in my 20s once I realized that I needed to stop comparing myself to others, and own and embrace who I was. I think that Oscar Wilde put it best: “Be yourself everybody else is taken.”
Once I embraced the idea that I needed to be completely dedicated to being my own biggest cheerleader and loving all parts of myself, I started tapping into the individual gifts that God had given me. I started to value my uniqueness and abilities, and truly believe in myself! This was when I felt a new sense of self-confidence that I had never experienced before.
Now I can’t say that I feel confident all the time (nobody does!), but I do continue to learn how to build my sense of self all the time. My faith helps me a lot. Knowing that God is with me always, every step of the way — Even when I fall, sway, or have insecurities, my faith is my biggest sense of comfort and strength.
I’m also always trying to grow and improve myself, which consistently builds my confidence. I think of new things that would make me happy or proud to achieve, and I just go for them! If I want to lose weight, I do it and commit to being healthier. If I want to feel pretty, I dress up, get my nails done, and let myself feel beautiful. If I want to be a better actress, I take acting classes that challenge me. It’s like that old saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. I really believe that we have to keep challenging ourselves to find out what we are made of, and to feel proud of who we are.
It’s amazing how much better you can serve and love the people in your life when you have a strong sense of self. I am a much better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend because I have a clear idea of who I am, and believe in who I am. It’s like how they tell you on an airplane ‘in case of emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others’. The same principle applies to self-confidence and self-love — You have to love yourself first to be able to properly care for the people closest to you.
Because I know the value of learning to love yourself, and it has been such an important journey for me, I am very dedicated to setting a good example for my children. I know that my children will have to develop their own self-confidence, and learn how to love themselves, but I do what I can to help instill and inspire self-love in them. I watch what I say about myself around them, and I always tell them that they can do and be anything they want in life if they keep trying, learning and never give up.
I know that I’m not always going to be the perfect parent or wife, or always feel amazing about myself each day – that’s just life! We all have our moments of doubt, but I know that as long as I have my faith and a close support system around me, I will be fine. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Continue to focus on your God-given gifts, and hone them, and your sense of self will continue to grow and strengthen!
How have you guys improved your sense of self-confidence? Please comment below, I would love to know!
Xx
Tamera
23 Responses
Hello Tamera,
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on self-confidence because I have struggled with it all of my life! My upbringing was very dysfunctional and I never had a support system in place. Since turning 42 and everyday seeing a gray hair appear I feel embarrassed for not feeling self-assured, a lack of self-esteem and confident. How do I begin building my self-confidence and creating a good support system. I really appreciate your honesty on this subject. God Bless. Latasha.
Thanks a lot, Tamera. God bless you for sharing this. :)
LUV U SOSO MUCH MY QUEEN UR SO GREAT & COOL
I just absolutely cried reading this because this is so honest and I just want to thank you for sharing this. Confidence has always been a thing I will struggle with. I was adopted along with my biological sister and with her it was easy for people to compare. My sister is the tall, skinny and beautiful one where I on the other hand was known as the funny, cute one. As I always compared myself to my sister, the more depressed I had become. However, in your article I love how you state: “ once you embraced that you are your own biggest cheerleader and begun tapping into the individual gifts God has given you”. As soon as I read this my whole attitude changed, even though my sister will forever be known as the “ better looking one” I love myself anyways because 1. God created me to be fearfully and wonderfully made in his image and 2. I’m the only Kacie and I am going to love myself endlessly and appreciate that God gave me the gift to love other, be compassionate, be tender hearted, caring, and so on. I appreciate this article because it helped me dig the surface down and discover myself fully and gain a new boost of confidence! Thank you Tamera! Love you and all you do and your honesty! Don’t know where I’d be without your articles <3 love you TAM TAM!!
What has helped my self confidence is reading the bible every day. I read one chapter a day and journal about what I have read. Knowing God loves me just as I am, remembering that he is with me eases my fear and reminds me that “with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
Also, as women, much of our confidence depends on how we look but that isn’t important to God. “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 It is so important to grow in character, maturity and faith. Also, the older you get, the more you realize how much time you wasted on worrying about what other people think, your appearance, or other trivial things. Love yourself, practice gratitude and trust in God!