A sense of self-confidence is not something I was born with. I had a wonderful and supportive family growing up, and that certainly played a huge role in developing my sense of self as a child. However, as an adult, I really had to come into my own to feel secure in my own skin.
Feeling confident was a conscious decision and something that I learned to work at every day. We all want to feel proud of ourselves and secure in who we are, but I really believe that it takes work, and for me, faith, to get there. The turning point for me building a healthy sense of self came in my 20s once I realized that I needed to stop comparing myself to others, and own and embrace who I was. I think that Oscar Wilde put it best: “Be yourself everybody else is taken.”
Once I embraced the idea that I needed to be completely dedicated to being my own biggest cheerleader and loving all parts of myself, I started tapping into the individual gifts that God had given me. I started to value my uniqueness and abilities, and truly believe in myself! This was when I felt a new sense of self-confidence that I had never experienced before.
Now I can’t say that I feel confident all the time (nobody does!), but I do continue to learn how to build my sense of self all the time. My faith helps me a lot. Knowing that God is with me always, every step of the way — Even when I fall, sway, or have insecurities, my faith is my biggest sense of comfort and strength.
I’m also always trying to grow and improve myself, which consistently builds my confidence. I think of new things that would make me happy or proud to achieve, and I just go for them! If I want to lose weight, I do it and commit to being healthier. If I want to feel pretty, I dress up, get my nails done, and let myself feel beautiful. If I want to be a better actress, I take acting classes that challenge me. It’s like that old saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. I really believe that we have to keep challenging ourselves to find out what we are made of, and to feel proud of who we are.
It’s amazing how much better you can serve and love the people in your life when you have a strong sense of self. I am a much better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend because I have a clear idea of who I am, and believe in who I am. It’s like how they tell you on an airplane ‘in case of emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others’. The same principle applies to self-confidence and self-love — You have to love yourself first to be able to properly care for the people closest to you.
Because I know the value of learning to love yourself, and it has been such an important journey for me, I am very dedicated to setting a good example for my children. I know that my children will have to develop their own self-confidence, and learn how to love themselves, but I do what I can to help instill and inspire self-love in them. I watch what I say about myself around them, and I always tell them that they can do and be anything they want in life if they keep trying, learning and never give up.
I know that I’m not always going to be the perfect parent or wife, or always feel amazing about myself each day – that’s just life! We all have our moments of doubt, but I know that as long as I have my faith and a close support system around me, I will be fine. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Continue to focus on your God-given gifts, and hone them, and your sense of self will continue to grow and strengthen!
How have you guys improved your sense of self-confidence? Please comment below, I would love to know!
Xx
Tamera
23 Responses
Hey Tam, I have one question. Are you going to get back into acting? I miss your face in movies!
Tamera,
You are probably a year or two younger than I am but we have so much in common. Being bi-racial is not always easy. I often feel like I do not fully fit in with those that are considered to be of the single races that I am mixed with. I have struggled with my identity for a very long time. There are some qualities and traits that I have that I attribute to being a mixture of the races from each one of my parents, which means I identify to some but not all of their cultural and social norms.
So, where does that leave me? I come to the understanding that I am in a middle lane. Not all of either race but some of both. It used to really make me doubt myself. However, once I found Christ all of that changed. Now I identify, first, to being a child of God which has opened up a whole new confident world for me.
I just wanted to thank you and congratulate you for being so strong as a bi-racial female but also for having an interracial marriage. You really are an inspiration for a lot of us. You may not realize it but you help make us feel like it is okay to be mixed. You have such a sweet personality and disposition. You are a blessing and I am glad that you are in the public eye because you present us with such a positive representation of all of us who are just like you. Keep up the good work because there are so many of us that respect and appreciate you.
thank you exactly what i needed in this my journey