Real Talk: How to Get Through a Painful Relationship

On my Facebook page awhile back, I asked you all what my next Real Talk topic should be. Boy did I get a lot of great responses! From my take on post-partum life to how to stop letting others define you, I’ve enjoyed being able to open up about these important topics. This latest comes from Facebook user Nessa, and she asked for advice on getting through a painful relationship…

How to Deal with Painful Relationships

Who else can relate?

It doesn’t so much matter what the painful relationship is – it could be a messy breakup, toxic friendship, disagreement etc – for all the joys that our relationships in life bring, there are bound to be some hard times… some of them the hardest. I wish I could say there was one cure-all for getting through the pain that these relationships cause us to suffer through at times (whether they’re ending or being mended), but I think we all know it’s not that easy. Instead, we have to let these experiences contribute to our growth and wellbeing in the future, as hard as it seems now.

I think the quote above really sums up how the healing process can go in these types of situations. There are always going to be ups and downs, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to let others control how you feel, that you can choose strength. Don’t get me wrong, working through and listening to your emotions is by no means weakness – in fact, that’s part of the process. When getting through a painful experience, it’s sometimes better to allow yourself to grieve in a sense. But then, you have to make the decision to get through it and move on.

Getting over painful past relationships or working through hardships is just plain tough. But it’s just as tough to stay sad, stay angry, and stay in one place. Instead, you can set an intention to lift yourself up, little by little, each day. Ultimately it will lead to a more positive change and you’ll feel like yourself again. Like they say, time heals all wounds… But it’s how you use that time that counts.

Hope this helps add a little encouragement to anyone going through a dark time. If you’ve been through this, feel free to share your best advice… Maybe someone who needs it will read it :)

Xx,
Tamera

quote illustration: psletteringshop

Relationship Rules: Supporting Your Spouse

When you take your vows you promise to support and love your partner through thick and thin forever and ever. You promise to believe in them, encourage them to achieve their dreams and no matter how stressed they get, you help them through it. These might not be explicit vows, but when you say ‘I do’, and even when in a seriously dating situation, part of being a good partner is believing in them.

Supporting-Your-Spouse-1

A few months ago Adam finished his Master’s degree in International Security and Terrorism from the University of Arizona. I’m always proud of my man and enamored by how smart and ambitious he is, but when he walked across that stage it reminded me of how much work he put into earning this degree and how much I felt like I was along on his journey. When you have a partner who is advancing their education, changing career paths or taking on a new life passion it’s important to keep a few key points in mind so everyone plays nice and keeps their sanity even during the hard times. Below are a few rules to live by on how to support your partner through it all…

Praise your Partner

It may sound silly, but everyone needs reenforcement. Long nights of studying and filling out hundreds of applications can weigh heavy on a person if they don’t get the results they were hoping for. This can not only hurt their ego, but possibly damage their future efforts. When interviews are scheduled or excellent grades received, celebrate in small ways–A nice dinner, some alone time, a little gift of something they’ve mentioned they wanted. If they’re struggling to get past rough patches, remind them of their great attributes and why they chose the path they did. It’s likely they’re skilled in this area and by sharing the reasons they would be great at this opportunity will help them to get back on track with new vigor.

Help Them Find Balance

When someone takes on a project they can easily get caught up in the work and neglect other areas of their lives. But if there is anything that truly will help you achieve your dreams and live happily, it’s finding balance in life. When you see your partner spending long hours with little breaks or they’re not engaging with friends and family, encourage them to step away from their project for a bit. If they need your help so they can rest, take over necessary responsibilities–give them time to go to the gym or enjoy some alone time. With balance they’ll be happier, less stressed and more likely to succeed. 

Exercise Patience and Understanding

Part of supporting your partner might mean acting as a silent partner at times. If they are frustrated, recognize that it might have nothing to do with you and instead of starting a fight, give them space to work through their frustration. If they aren’t finding a job right away, don’t push harder if you already see them making an effort. Achieving any dream takes work and dedication. There can be ups and downs along the way…so be understanding of what they’re fighting for.

Truly Care About Their Interests

Sometimes I hear people say that they don’t always pay attention to what their partner says if they’re discussing a topic that disinterests them. This always shocks me a little. Having all of the same interests as your partner isn’t necessary, but lending an ear and caring that there are topics, hobbies and roles that they absolutely love is invaluable. Ask them about their classes. Ask how meetings went. Ask them about how they feel, and really pay attention. Even in our busy lives, I asked Adam about his coursework and enjoyed the times he shared passionately about what he had learned. 

At the end of the day, we all want a partner-in-crime who believes in us and helps fuel our desire to succeed. And when I see my hubby succeed, it makes me love him even more–though I don’t know if that’s even possible. :) 

Would love to hear how you support your partner? Share with me in the comments below! 

Xx,
Tamera