Real Talk: How I Build Self-Confidence

Tamera Mowry Self Condidence

A sense of self-confidence is not something I was born with. I had a wonderful and supportive family growing up, and that certainly played a huge role in developing my sense of self as a child. However, as an adult, I really had to come into my own to feel secure in my own skin.

Feeling confident was a conscious decision, and something that I learned to work at every day. We all want to feel proud of ourselves and secure in who we are, but I really believe that it takes work, and for me, faith, to get there. The turning point for me building a healthy sense of self came in my 20’s once I realized that I needed to stop comparing myself to others, and own and embrace who I was. I think that Oscar Wilde put it best: Be yourself everybody else is taken.”

Once I embraced the idea that I needed to be completely dedicated to being my own biggest cheerleader, and loving all parts of myself, I started tapping into the individual gifts that God had given me. I started to value my uniqueness and abilities, and truly believe in myself! This was when I felt a new sense of self-confidence that I had never experienced before.

Now I can’t say that I feel confident all the time (nobody does!), but I do continue to learn how to build my sense of self all the time. My faith helps me a lot. Knowing that God is with me always, every step of the way — Even when I fall, sway, or have insecurities, my faith is my biggest sense of comfort and strength.

I’m also always trying to grow and improve myself, which consistently builds my confidence. I think of new things that would make me happy or proud to achieve, and I just go for them! If I want to lose weight, I do it and commit to being healthier. If I want to feel pretty, I dress up, get my nails done, and let myself feel beautiful.  If I want to be a better actress, I take acting classes that challenge me. It’s like that old saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. I really believe that we have to keep challenging ourselves to find out what we are made of, and to feel proud of who we are.

It’s amazing how much better you can serve and love the people in your life when you have a strong sense of self. I am a much better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend because I have a clear idea of who I am, and believe in who I am. It’s like how they tell you on an airplane ‘in case of emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others’. The same principle applies to self-confidence and self-love — You have to love yourself first to be able to properly care for the people closest to you.

Because I know the value of learning to love yourself, and it has been such an important journey for me, I am very dedicated to setting a good example for my children. I know that my children will have to develop their own self-confidence, and learn how to love themselves, but I do what I can to help instill and inspire self-love in them. I watch what I say about myself around them, and I always tell them that they can do and be anything they want in life if they keep trying, learning and never give up.

I know that I’m not always going to be the perfect parent or wife, or always feel amazing about myself each day – that’s just life! We all have our moments of doubt, but I know that as long as I have my faith, and a close support system around me, I will be fine. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Continue to focus on your God given gifts, and hone them, and your sense of self will continue to grow and strengthen!

How have you guys improved your sense of self confidence? Please comment below, I would love to know!

Xx
Tamera

Real Talk: Answering Your Questions About Blogging

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I fell in love with being a blogger years ago when my sister and I were working together on our former website. Ever since then, blogging has become a passion of mine, and I have really dedicated myself to creating and growing tameramowry.com. I get asked a lot of questions about my blog, and so I wanted to do a Q&A post for you guys and try my best to answer as many of your questions as I can!

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU TO BLOG? First and foremost, it is my fans that motivate me to keep writing and creating original content. It can be overwhelming to think about running an entire blog and always posting new content, but I have always had the attitude that I will just take it one post at a time, and see where it goes. Over the years the site has built more and more momentum, and I have been so encouraged by all the amazing feedback I have gotten. Every time I put up a new post, I’m so excited to read the comments.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT HAVING A BLOG? I love that my blog allows me a direct channel to speak to my fans. I am able to create original content that is meaningful to me, pen open letters and speak very openly. I’m naturally an encourager, and I love to share my experiences — If I find an amazing new hair routine, I want to tell the world! My blog allows me total creative freedom to do this, and it’s so much fun!

WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BLOG BUT DOESN’T KNOW WHERE TO START? I really love encouraging other women to blog and to be as creative and entrepreneurial as they can. As women, we are so strong and amazing multitaskers by design. There are so many different facets of who we are as women — We are wives, girlfriends, co-workers, sisters, mothers … Don’t be afraid to tap into each of your roles and gifts. If you have a dream, just because you are a mom doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve it. Dare to dream big! Do your research, and don’t be afraid to ask for help to achieve your goals. Like I said, it’s one post at a time!

IS IT HARD TO BALANCE YOUR CAREER, PARENTING AND BLOGGING? Definitely! But I really believe that life is all about balance. To me, being a good parent means being true to myself and still following my dreams too. You want to let your little ones know that if their momma can achieve her goals, so can they. When your children see your drive, passion and success, that is a good thing! They will thank you for it in the end … Just remember to have balance in it all. Don’t become so driven that you ever totally neglect any area of your life.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT? My blog is totally and authentically me. I write about the things that I am passionate about, the lessons I have learned, the clothing I think is beautiful and anything and everything else that is inspiring to me. I have a lot of fun doing my monthly blog planning and get I get inspired and excited about what I can share with my audience. We hold monthly photo-shoots for the blog, and they are always my favorite days! I think that the best content, and what resonates with people, is anything that comes from a place of truth. I always hope that my genuine passion for connecting with my fans comes through in everything I do.

IS YOUR BLOG REALLY YOU? It’s definitely me! I do have a support team that helps me with blog photo-shoots, marketing and uploading content, but I am 100% hands-on, and not a single thing is ever published on my blog or my social media without me. I’m so thankful for my fans and audience who have stayed so loyal to me over the years, and they are who motivates me to continue to create content on my website and my social media.

IF MY FANS COULD TAKE AWAY ONE THING FROM MY BLOG …. I would really hope that my readers realize that more than ever, women are becoming CEO’s. People are listening, and the internet has become this incredible platform for voices to be heard. We are living in an amazing time where women can absolutely make their dreams come true. Together, as women we can uplift each other and make this world a better place. I believe each person was put on this earth with a mission. A purpose. It’s up to you to hone in on it. Perfect it. Then share it. If I can inspire anyone to use their voice with purpose, I will feel like I have succeeded.

I am truly so appreciative for your support of tameramowry.com! Please continue to send me your questions, I love reading them! 

Xx
Tamera

Real Talk: How I Balance a Busy Schedule

Tamera Mowry

Lately, life just seems to be getting busier and busier! As a working mom, I always have a lot on my plate, but recently my schedule has become more packed than ever. Even though my days are full of things that are blessings, I have to make a very real effort to balance my time and energy so that I can be the most effective, happy and healthy version of myself.

The feeling of struggling to balance a busy schedule is something that I think most people can relate to. While I have not perfected time management, I have noticed amazing improvements in my ability to prioritize my day by using some of these simple strategies:

Make a list: I am a big fan of lists, and honestly, I would be lost without them. I like to hand write out my lists, but keeping one on your phone works great too. Without writing everything down, it is almost impossible not to forget at least something each day. Making a list is also great when you feel totally overwhelmed — The simple act of just writing down what you need to do, and being able to visually prioritize the tasks at hand, makes a big difference.

Put everything on the calendar: I literally mean everything! I will note just about anything on my iPhone calendar. From notes about what my son has going on at school that day (so I remember to ask him about it when he gets home), to a reminder to leave the house a little early because I have to get gas. I love scheduling notes into my calendar because then I can be sure I am not missing anything important.

Schedule your day: As a working mom, I have a lot of responsibilities in both my personal and professional life. I very consciously schedule my day so that I know when I will start and stop focusing on work commitments, and then I stick to that schedule. Having hours specifically allotted to work really helps me balance my family and personal time. Which leads me to my next point …

Make time for you a non-negotiable: Not too long ago I wrote about mindfulness, and the importance of taking time for your mental and physical health. Even when I am balancing a busy schedule, I make my health a priority, and schedule time for me just like I would a meeting. For example, if I have a workout planned, I block time off in my calendar and commit to taking that hour for myself — no excuses!

Don’t be afraid to say no: I have learned that it is okay to say that you are not able to do something! Setting realistic expectations for my time and my commitments is very important. If I am constantly saying ‘yes’ to everyone, I just end up exhausted, overworked and feeling resentful. When I receive an invitation, or I am asked to do something, I really think about whether or not I am able to commit before I say yes. This strategy has really helped me immensely because it ensures that my days are full of tasks that I am totally committed to doing.

Communicate expectations: Especially when it comes to work, I have learned that it is really important to communicate both my own, and other people’s expectations. By talking about what is expected of me (or what I expect), and verbalizing an agreement, I am able to prioritize and manage my workload.

Tackle one thing at a time: Women are often amazing multitaskers — It’s in our nature to be able to juggle a bunch of things at once. But I have learned that I am usually much better when I zero-in on one task at a time, and eliminate other distractions (like my phone). Whether I am doing something for work or something with my family, I try and really be in the moment and engaged with whatever I am doing.

Spend five minutes each night thinking about tomorrow: I take a little time each night to think about what has to be done tomorrow. By thinking ahead and looking at what I have on my plate for the next day, I avoid waking up feeling overwhelmed.

Understand that you can’t control everything: As much as I like to think that I can stay on top of everything each day, the reality is that nobody can. Some days life is just going to throw you a curve ball, and when that happens, it is important to just go with the flow!

How do you guys balance a busy schedule? Comment below and let me know!

Xx
Tamera  

Real Talk: How Being A Mom Has Changed Me

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Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend, and it has me thinking a lot about how being a mom has changed me for the better. Every day with my children I work hard to try and be the best parent that I can, trying to anticipate their needs. However, each day they manage to flip the script on me (in a good way)! I learn patience and persistence from them on a daily basis. Most importantly though, they have shown me what unconditional love truly means.

My children have also taught me how to be present and in the moment, which is something that can be really hard to do when you are a working mom and have a lot of responsibility in your life. As a mom who can be a little OCD, my children have made me realize that it is okay to leave some dirty dishes in the sink for a while, or to not write that email right away, and to just live in the moment. I have learned that it is worth giving up a little control in my life, to be able to sit and watch a movie with them or just have time to bond.

Growing up, I had a mother who some would say, was a strict parent. Now that I am a parent, I can see that everything she did and how she parented, was done completely out love for her children. I grew up to love the person that I am, and to feel confident about myself, and that is because of my mom. She worked so hard to develop good character, strong faith and to instill a secure sense of self in her kids. There is no way that I would have been able to navigate a career in the spotlight, and remain true to my values and faith, had it not been for my mom. How she raised me has had such an incredible impact on who I am today, and now in turn, how I am raising my own children.

I have also been lucky enough to have children around the same time as my sister! Tia had her son before I had Aden, and she was always 100% honest with me about her experience with motherhood. She really helped prepare me for both the joys and the realities of what being a mom looked like. Most importantly, she taught me that as a mom, it is okay to keep pursuing your dreams while being a devoted parent. That was something that I was really struggling with —  I wasn’t sure that it was going to be possible to keep growing my career and have children. My sister has the most beautiful and special relationship with her son, and she really showed me that that as a mom, you can do both. I love sharing motherhood moments with her. Some days we just laugh because we will try and talk on the phone after a long day, and neither of us can even finish a thought because we are so tired! To be able to experience all the aspects of motherhood alongside my sister is one of the most amazing blessings.

I have only been a parent for four years, and I can’t imagine my life without my children! Parenting is both the hardest and most blissful job I have ever had. When you’re a mom, there is no such thing as a day off, and yes, exhaustion becomes your new normal. But you just figure it out!

Hats off to all the mommys out there! 

Xo

Tamera

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Real Talk: How I Deal With Stress

Tamera Mowry

We all feel stress in our lives from time to time. Unfortunately, stress is part of life and we all need to learn how to deal with it!  For me, it’s a daily exercise to manage my stress. Some days I’m great at it, other days, I’m a mess. But hey, that’s life!

Work stress is definitely what gets to me the most. Mainly because there are the normal stresses and demands of working long hours, but on top of that, I find myself constantly thinking and worrying about my children. I worry how their day is going, whether they are feeling okay, how school is, whether they ate their lunch, and so on and so on. Basically, as a mom, I am constantly worrying, and that equals a lot more stress for me at work!

As soon as my stress levels rise just a little too much, my natural reaction is to panic. I freak out, I get anxious and if it’s a really stressful day, I cry. I can also feel all the stress and tension start to physically manifest throughout my body.

Now obviously some stress is normal, but feeling like you have been pushed to your breaking point, is NOT ideal! Over the years, I have gotten better at managing my stress levels and have developed different tips and tricks to cope.

The first thing I do is I allow myself to feel every emotion fully — I let it all out, and then after two or three days, I make the decision to let it go. I think that it is really important to feel those emotions, and then release them. If you hold on to your feelings, they will come up in other ways and you will find yourself displacing those emotions on the ones you love. Next, I write down everything that I think will help me deal with whatever is bothering me. It’s amazing how the simple act of writing things down can be a huge emotional release, and give you a sense of peace! I always try and think long-term, and ask myself if what is bothering me will really matter in 5-10 years. By allowing myself to feel, react and then make an action plan, I find that I have clarity.

Exercise is another BIG part of how I deal with managing my stress. Releasing endorphins during a good workout always makes me feel so much better equipped to deal with what is bothering me. I also make the decision to take a break from all things digital when my stress levels rise. By logging off social media and turning off the TV for a while, I get much more focused, and can live in the moment with my family and friends (which is what matters most!).

Lastly, I try and remember that some things just happen for a reason, and sometimes we need to just trust that everything is going to be okay!

Let me know how you guys manage your stress!
Xx

Tamera 

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Real Talk: How to Get Through a Painful Relationship

On my Facebook page awhile back, I asked you all what my next Real Talk topic should be. Boy did I get a lot of great responses! From my take on post-partum life to how to stop letting others define you, I’ve enjoyed being able to open up about these important topics. This latest comes from Facebook user Nessa, and she asked for advice on getting through a painful relationship…

How to Deal with Painful Relationships

Who else can relate?

It doesn’t so much matter what the painful relationship is – it could be a messy breakup, toxic friendship, disagreement etc – for all the joys that our relationships in life bring, there are bound to be some hard times… some of them the hardest. I wish I could say there was one cure-all for getting through the pain that these relationships cause us to suffer through at times (whether they’re ending or being mended), but I think we all know it’s not that easy. Instead, we have to let these experiences contribute to our growth and wellbeing in the future, as hard as it seems now.

I think the quote above really sums up how the healing process can go in these types of situations. There are always going to be ups and downs, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to let others control how you feel, that you can choose strength. Don’t get me wrong, working through and listening to your emotions is by no means weakness – in fact, that’s part of the process. When getting through a painful experience, it’s sometimes better to allow yourself to grieve in a sense. But then, you have to make the decision to get through it and move on.

Getting over painful past relationships or working through hardships is just plain tough. But it’s just as tough to stay sad, stay angry, and stay in one place. Instead, you can set an intention to lift yourself up, little by little, each day. Ultimately it will lead to a more positive change and you’ll feel like yourself again. Like they say, time heals all wounds… But it’s how you use that time that counts.

Hope this helps add a little encouragement to anyone going through a dark time. If you’ve been through this, feel free to share your best advice… Maybe someone who needs it will read it :)

Xx,
Tamera

quote illustration: psletteringshop