Have you guys been tuning into my Facebook chats the last couple months? Since there’s never enough time to answer all the questions, I’ve been saving a few for my Ask Tamera series. Last month I told you all about my favorite hobbies, but this time I wanted to address a more serious question: what to do when you experience lack of support from those you love.
Tiffany says, My fiancé and I are getting married in October. Our families have been less than fully supportive… Sometimes our family drama takes a toll on us and makes it hard to be happy. How can we rise above the negativity and grow stronger together?
First of all, congrats! This is a tough one. No one wants to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s natural to seek the support of your family on matters like relationships and career choices, etc., but the truth is you can’t always see eye to eye with everyone. As much as approval from the people we care about validates our choices and gives us confidence, we have to realize that we’re capable of being strong with or without it!
When it comes to differing opinions, only listen to those you truly respect. If a family member has concerns, try to hear them out. Maybe they want the best for you and have trouble articulating it. But if it’s someone you always butt heads with, you’ll likely disagree again. If it becomes a situation that’s not constructive and just leads to a cycle of hurtful words and emotional experiences – then instead of focusing on that, control what you can, like your relationship.
Not having support often makes your relationship stronger because you have to lean on one another more than the average person. Once you’ve agreed to move on, you and your spouse can work on building a lasting partnership – one based on unconditional support! Experiences like these often tell us what we don’t want in a relationship, and it will be refreshing to nurture the connection you have with someone who hears your story and considers your feelings.
It’s wonderful to have strong relationships with those closest to you, but people – even family – have disagreements, sometimes on important issues. The best way to deal with it is to hear them and respect their opinion, but don’t lose sight of your own values. ALL relationships are give and take, only put your time into the ones that give as much as you do.
Hope this helps anyone going through something similar right now. Stay strong, and don’t forget to lean on your other friends for support too!
quote illustration: psletteringshop