Real Talk: Dealing with Self-Doubt

Hi everyone! Did you catch my last Real Talk post on setting boundaries? Sometimes you need boundaries with other people to improve your relationships, but other times the one person getting in your way is – you guessed it – you.  How many times a day do you catch yourself saying or thinking, “I can’t”? A lot of us don’t even notice how much we do it.

Real Talk: Dealing with Self-Doubt - Tamera Mowry

Growing up, we have parents and teachers to tell us what we can and can’t do. But who’s telling you that now? While there’s so much more we CAN do, it’s easy to tell ourselves no, especially when the going gets tough. In the past few years – especially since becoming a momma – I’ve found myself capable of doing more than I ever thought possible. Yet, I still catch myself wrapped up in negative self-talk from time to time, who doesn’t?

The funny thing is, we can be so sweet about it. We politely tell ourselves, “oh, I couldn’t do that”. Putting ourselves down in this way can be so subtle we don’t even notice it – yet its effects are enormous. It’s a way of telling ourselves we can’t be trusted, that we can’t handle the things we were put on earth to experience, that we’re silly for evening considering it. While it might a well-meaning voice designed to protect ourselves from harm, when listened to frequently, it keeps us from living life to the fullest.

So, how to combat this negative self-talk? My solution is to come up with a response. Sometimes it helps to determine whether or not these doubts are reasonable. Next time you catch yourself thinking or saying “I can’t” – answer it back. Ask why not. Find out why you think you can’t. Think long and hard about the why; sometimes this is coming from a place of fear or doubt. If there’s no good reason for something, you’ve got one more step – turn that negative into a positive. Tell yourself you can.

Do you struggle with self-doubt? We’re all capable of amazing things, sometimes we just need to hear that voice out – and go for it anyway.

Xx,
Tamera

Real Talk: Take Charge of Your Life

Motivation: Keep Moving Forward

Sometimes one aspect of life feels like it’s spiraling out of control (or worse, multiple aspects). Maybe we don’t feel like we’re on the right track in our long-term goals, or we feel like we’re in a situation with no outlet. Whenever I start to think things aren’t heading in the right direction, I know it’s time to take a step back and regain control. While you can’t change everything in your life, YOU remain in control of your actions, and believe it or not they have a great deal to do with the course your life takes! It all starts with a change in thinking. Taking that first step to owning your life can be scary—from switching jobs to improving a relationship—but it’s crazy how much easier those hard things become when you break them into simple steps, like the ones I’ve outlined below:

Put it on paper.

Write down everything. What’s going wrong? What would your situation look like if it were going right? If you don’t like your job, don’t just focus on what bothers you; instead, envision what the perfect job would entail. It’s also helpful to envision what your ideal space would look like—if your home has become uninspiring or stressful, think of what would make it better—this can be anything from physical to emotional. This helps you get to the root of the problem and makes it easier to locate why you arent at that point in your life. 

Organize those thoughts.

Now that you’ve put your thoughts down, it’s time to turn them into something tangible. A lot of times we’re overwhelmed because we feel like life is all over the place. Understanding all the pieces you uncovered in #1 will help you figure out how to take that control back…whether you realize that there are certain people holding you back, or that an insecurity is getting in your own way, you’ll have a place to start.

Talk to others.

Approach someone who you admire and are inspired by to help you get past that roadblock. It doesn’t have to be family; you can also talk to a therapist or connect with people in an online community. In the end, it’s helpful to get those thoughts that are on paper out into the open so you can find more clarity in theme—especially if it’s something you’ve been nervous to talk about. Having a support system of family and friends has helped me my entire life, so I always try to talk things through when I can. 

Create a plan.

Once you’ve looked at your situation from all angles, you can start taking (baby) steps to get there. Take a look at what’s holding you back, and sketch out paths to get there. You have a dream career—do you need to go back to school for it? If it’s a health goal, what lifestyle changes will you make to reach it? It doesn’t have to be totally detailed, just a basic, realistic look at what you need to do to regain control and ultimately happiness, in that area of your life. 

Check in.

How many of us have goals we’ve totally forgotten about? The most important part of having a plan of action is to actually act upon it! Jot down a few notes about what you want to have changed in 3 or 6 months, and pin it somewhere you’ll remember it. This little trick works wonders!

Remember, YOU are in control! Don’t wait to make a positive change.

Let me know if this plan would help you take charge of your life, or if you have a different methodshare it in the comments!

Xx,
Tamera

Competition vs Ambition: Is One Way Right?

I recently spoke with a friend about the Industry and how if you want a role you really need to push yourself at auditions. It brought up the topic of how to differentiate ambition from competitiveness and which was a better trait to have. On some levels, I think they are very much the same. Both can fuel our desires to achieve greatness. And both can also be good for children to experience in order to know how to handle varying situations. However, competition can also get ugly.

Ambition

While competitiveness has driven some of the most successful people in the world, there is also a less than flattering head that can surface when pushed to its limits. One study found that when children are competitive throughout their developmental years it can have adverse effects – these negatives then carrying over into adulthood. Females can suffer emotional backlash that results in depression and low self-esteem. Males can experience a bit of this (with the addition of hostility), though they seem to handle it all a bit better.

Ambition, on the other hand, means you’re only battling yourself – if you’re driven, you’ll work hard to achieve a dream because YOU want it, not because you want to beat out another. Ambition is hard to tear down. You’ll likely get back up again and again and fight for what you really want. This strength leads to innovation, professional advancement, and has the potential to push those around you to be their best selves as well. But ambition can sometimes be all consuming, causing us to neglect those who are important in our lives. 

Yes, there is such thing as friendly competition, but I try to stay away from competitiveness as a whole, especially in this business. As much as I want a role, I’m not willing to belittle others, be rude or rub it in anyone’s face when I succeed. And by no means will I let the thought of beating out another to ‘one up’ them cloud my pursuit of happiness or teach my son bad behaviors as he grows. So I’m torn…

Do you think one is right over the other? How do you handle ambition and competition in your life? 

Xx,
Tamera