Real Talk: Dealing with Self-Doubt

Hi everyone! Did you catch my last Real Talk post on setting boundaries? Sometimes you need boundaries with other people to improve your relationships, but other times the one person getting in your way is – you guessed it – you.  How many times a day do you catch yourself saying or thinking, “I can’t”? A lot of us don’t even notice how much we do it.

Real Talk: Dealing with Self-Doubt - Tamera Mowry

Growing up, we have parents and teachers to tell us what we can and can’t do. But who’s telling you that now? While there’s so much more we CAN do, it’s easy to tell ourselves no, especially when the going gets tough. In the past few years – especially since becoming a momma – I’ve found myself capable of doing more than I ever thought possible. Yet, I still catch myself wrapped up in negative self-talk from time to time, who doesn’t?

The funny thing is, we can be so sweet about it. We politely tell ourselves, “oh, I couldn’t do that”. Putting ourselves down in this way can be so subtle we don’t even notice it – yet its effects are enormous. It’s a way of telling ourselves we can’t be trusted, that we can’t handle the things we were put on earth to experience, that we’re silly for evening considering it. While it might a well-meaning voice designed to protect ourselves from harm, when listened to frequently, it keeps us from living life to the fullest.

So, how to combat this negative self-talk? My solution is to come up with a response. Sometimes it helps to determine whether or not these doubts are reasonable. Next time you catch yourself thinking or saying “I can’t” – answer it back. Ask why not. Find out why you think you can’t. Think long and hard about the why; sometimes this is coming from a place of fear or doubt. If there’s no good reason for something, you’ve got one more step – turn that negative into a positive. Tell yourself you can.

Do you struggle with self-doubt? We’re all capable of amazing things, sometimes we just need to hear that voice out – and go for it anyway.

Xx,
Tamera

  • Mignon Johnson

    This has been such a struggle with me. No doubt, I’m no where near where I thought I’d be at this stage but I still have so much more life to live. Raising two young girls has given me a new frame of thinking. Truly, I have been my own opposition thus far. Now I’m becoming my biggest cheer leader! Greatness exudes from my pores and the universe has no choice but to answer my call!

  • Joanne Katende

    We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us!?

  • Nenny

    I’ve been one of those wh are always blaming someone else for all the things I haven’t achieved. I found myself depressed year after year, specially by my birthday. I decided to start over again, I’m far away from my home, who is there to blame now? It has been me all the time. Here I go life, nothing to stop me now

  • Briana Pena

    Hi Tamera,
    My name is Briana and I am one of your biggest fans from Palm Springs, CA. I am a huge fan of the Real and have been there many times. I had the opportunity to meet you at the show one time when you noticed me in the audience because you stated that your brother got you to notice me on Instagram. I am sure you probably have noticed me in your comments somewhere (Instagram name: beatfreakbri). I was so blessed to be able to experience your kinds words in person. You have been a true inspiration and amazing role model to young women like myself. Growing up, my parents were drug addicts, and I experienced and witnessed abuse of all kinds. My mom abandoned us for her boyfriend, and my dad was never in the picture. I was placed in foster care, and later raised by my grandparents. As I grew older, I was an emotionally traumatized kid with little to no support. I developed a passion for the arts. Dance, music, and acting became my therapy. At the age of 13, I gave my life to the Lord and my life has never been the same. I tell you all of this to say that you have unknowingly been by my side and a huge motivation for me. As a teenager, I didn’t share my feelings or experiences much. No one ever showed me how to be a young lady and everything that comes along with that. Sister Sister was a huge part of my life. I learned so many valuable lessons through the show. I became so drawn and inspired by you and Tia throughout your careers, but it wasn’t until your reality show that I truly loved the person are and the heart that you have. I have always been compared to my sister in so many ways, and never had the opportunity to be me. I was affected by other’s expectations of me. I had no confidence and no purpose in life, until I found my identity in Christ. I now have my own voice and want to inspire other young women and youth. I was always the shy insecure girl, who was afraid of rejection. I fell in love with God and when I was 14 years old, he begin to reveal my purpose. Although I have had many challenges and obstacles, I have turned my mess into messages and my tests into testimonies. I ended being the 2nd one in my entire family to graduate high school, and the first to attend college. I received my Bachelors in Criminal Justice, and will graduating with a Masters in Counseling and Guidance in June 2017. I want to THANK YOU for being one of my biggest inspirations. You continue to empower and inspire me on The Real. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and being transparent for us to see. Your encouragement, passion, wisdom, and love for God is evident AND SO POWERFUL! You did not allow fame to strip you away or your values, faith, and beliefs…..and for that I THANK YOU.

    I have developed a passion for working with at risk-youth. I previously worked at a human trafficking group home for teenage girls, and now work as a Prevention Specialist at a high school for at risk youth. My passion is emphasizing the importance of resiliency and education, despite your circumstances. I was truly inspired by the Real Empowerment segment after theReal Instagram page posted my video and I received so much love and support. Because of this, I grew a strong sense of my purpose and passion to empower other young women and at-risk youth. I recently began a mentorship and empowerment group called BE EMPOWERED at a local school. The group focuses on students who have struggled since middle school. Many of them have little to no support at home, and their environment and other factors stand in the way of their success. The goal is to create a group of empowered, motivated, resilient young women. The group is an intervention/prevention program that will continue throughout their high school years. The group will focus on topics such as resiliency, goal-setting, social media, bullying, self-confidence, overcoming challenges, healthy effective relationships, possible career opportunities, academics, anger and stress management, and leadership roles. I will use other resilient students as mentors for new students, which will create leadership roles, support systems, and a mentorship program to help each student overcome obstacles that get in the way of their success.

    I just simply want to say THANK YOU! You are truly my biggest inspiration. God bless you always.

    Your biggest fan,
    Briana
    Email: brianaashleypena@yahoo.com

  • Ruthie

    it happens all the time to me. I have a twin sister just like you Tam and people always considered her in many things because she was vocal and outgoing. But now that i am a little older she is always reminding me that i don’t have to exactly be like her, that i am beautiful and unique. We are thankful to you and your sister because it was when we started watching Tia & Tamera that we learned how to full communicate with each other without judging.