Real Talk: How to Get Through a Painful Relationship

On my Facebook page awhile back, I asked you all what my next Real Talk topic should be. Boy did I get a lot of great responses! From my take on post-partum life to how to stop letting others define you, I’ve enjoyed being able to open up about these important topics. This latest comes from Facebook user Nessa, and she asked for advice on getting through a painful relationship…

How to Deal with Painful Relationships

Who else can relate?

It doesn’t so much matter what the painful relationship is – it could be a messy breakup, toxic friendship, disagreement etc – for all the joys that our relationships in life bring, there are bound to be some hard times… some of them the hardest. I wish I could say there was one cure-all for getting through the pain that these relationships cause us to suffer through at times (whether they’re ending or being mended), but I think we all know it’s not that easy. Instead, we have to let these experiences contribute to our growth and wellbeing in the future, as hard as it seems now.

I think the quote above really sums up how the healing process can go in these types of situations. There are always going to be ups and downs, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to let others control how you feel, that you can choose strength. Don’t get me wrong, working through and listening to your emotions is by no means weakness – in fact, that’s part of the process. When getting through a painful experience, it’s sometimes better to allow yourself to grieve in a sense. But then, you have to make the decision to get through it and move on.

Getting over painful past relationships or working through hardships is just plain tough. But it’s just as tough to stay sad, stay angry, and stay in one place. Instead, you can set an intention to lift yourself up, little by little, each day. Ultimately it will lead to a more positive change and you’ll feel like yourself again. Like they say, time heals all wounds… But it’s how you use that time that counts.

Hope this helps add a little encouragement to anyone going through a dark time. If you’ve been through this, feel free to share your best advice… Maybe someone who needs it will read it :)


quote illustration: psletteringshop
  • Diam

    Thanks for posting this, Tam! My remedy for overcoming painful relationships is constant prayer. It brings a lot of clarity, truth and healing to the situation over time.

  • Angel

    Are you shading Tamar?? Not very CHristian like to judge. A friend tries to help and is supportive. SMH

    • Nikki

      Angel stop it! Don’t bring any negative vibes to this page okay? Don’t be that guy.

  • Bella Kiddy

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  • Sammy Bee

    Sometimes, especially when one has invested a number of years into a relationship, the emotions that are mostly experienced are anger and sadness (wanting to beat up on one’s self too).
    It’s a bit different for each person I think, to bounce back … Personally, where the person who broke the trust is unapologetic and blah about things, I think it’s best for the hurting partner to move away and rebuild herself/himself….rather than”sticking around.”

  • Antonina

    Hi guys. I’ve had my share of painful relationships and I got to tell you that they all have made me who I am today. It is important to take the hard times and deal with them in the best way possible. If it wasn’t for those painful lessons I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I think all of us could take lessons and tips for our future when we are going through something hard. We come out as a better person. Also if you went through something hard, God can use you later to help someone else too. That is what is happening to me, I am able to encourage other girls who are going through hard times too.